Today was my last chemo treatment for pancreatic cancer, so I got to ring the bell!
It was an exciting day, but it brought some unexpected emotions.
Well, this is a surprise
For the past five months, I have been running a chemo marathon looking forward to the finish line. As it drew closer, I became more excited. But as this last week approached, a different feeling took center stage. Instead of feeling like I was reaching a finish line, I felt more like Wile E. Coyote running toward the edge of a cliff.
I realized there is an odd comfort in chemo. Having medicinal poison pumped into my body to kill of any rogue-bastard cancer cells provided a bit of a safety net. With that gone, fear of cancer spreading crept in. No, it busted in like an obnoxious guest not invited to the party. Jackass.
So I have had several bouts of crying over the past week when the fear puts a lampshade on its head while doing Fortnite dances. Thankfully, my husband has been right by my side to help me realize this is indeed scary, but I’ll be okay.
I also mentioned this to my infusion nurse this morning, and she said a lot of patients express the same feelings. This made me feel even better to know I was not alone in this emotion.
There was also comfort in the routine of chemo. Sit and take my chemo pills at each breakfast and dinner for two weeks. Tuesdays during weeks one through three, put on the lidocaine, go to the chemo center, get blood drawn, get treatment, then go home and take a nap. Then feel like crap on Wednesday and Thursday. While the routine was a comfort, it’s one I’m okay with giving up.
A nice surprise
When I got up from the infusion chair to ring the bell, a lovely woman who was sitting across from me stopped me. She handed me a prayer card and said she wanted me to have it. This was so touching. She had never met me before, but wanted to show support.
And support has been a major help in getting through this. Knowing people have been thinking of and praying for me has been like a life jacket while I swim through these bizarre waters. When I got tired, I could rest in the love I have felt from so many people.
Thank you all.
Next steps
In a couple of weeks, I meet with my medical oncologist. Then I have abdominal and chest scans in about a month to make sure the cancer completely left my body. Next is a meeting with the surgical oncologist. And this will probably be the plan every three months for a year or so.
For now, I look forward to nausea going away and energy and taste returning. And I will have to be patient. Not my forte, but I’ll make it. Hell, I made it through surgery and chemo, so I can do this.
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Yay!!! I’ve got some happy tears in my eyes watching you ring that bell. You are officially a superhero, Rhonda. You did it!!!